Self Expression

What Is It?

After kicking the idea around for a while, I think the best definition I can think of for Self Expression is conscious action. This can encompass any conscious action, including speech, outfit, manner of movement, etc. I think Self Expression is Conscious Action. I don't think unconscious activies like breathing count as self expression, but every conscious activity does. Clicking into this post and reading it was Self Expression for you, the reader. Importantly, Self Expression occurs even when other people aren't with you. It isn't something that is limited to a special moment when you decide to do something quirky or artistic. You are expressing yourself constantly. You can't help but to express yourself.

Who Is It?

There is a complex feedback system between what we call our identity, and our patterns of behavior, patterns of thought, and patterns of belief. Along some dimensions, I believe we have a fixed and common identity as a species. At the level of the individual, I think we play a role in shaping and forging a unique identity by influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs. One can speak of multiple sets of possible hypothetical identities. Most refer to what I will call the Current Identity - informed by the behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs and your decisions about those things up until today. I have also seen that Current Identity is only the surface. We are also pulled or pushed by forces outside of Current Identity. There are forces, perhaps unseen or unconscious parts of our identity, that aspirationally draw us to external avatars. We are drawn to be different, even from outside our current experiences or beliefs. If these forces are strong enough, we want to change Current Identity. So, does this mean we have meta-identity? I think you could call it that, or perhaps aspirational identity. What drives meta-identity? These quickly become spiritual questions. I don't believe we are meant to have a complete bottom-up understanding of ourselves or our own minds while we are here.

Expressing Myself

This was not supposed to be a purely philosphical post. My latest self-expressions have included smiling at strangers on walks, a visit to a dear friend to support his marathon run, and voraciously reading programming-related content. Recently, a close friend said my talents were wasted as a mere programmer, and so I am deciding to write this down, in part, just in case she is right and someone can get something from this. These are all enjoyable and parts of my Current Identity - and I am grateful for them. So, why did I spend all that time talking about meta-identity then? Because the self-expressions I have been most grateful for over time, and the most impactful, and feel the most like they are me as opposed to decorative or incidental, are exactly those acts of aspirational meta-identity self-expression. For example, not in only liking smiling, but in longing and deciding to be one who sees the goodness in a smile. Not only liking to visit friends, but longing and deciding to be one who delights in the face of another.
In short, if Current Identity is a canvas, the most important acts of self expression have been in deciding how I want to paint it.